Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sandycandy1024's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
8:03 pm	Illness, A Relationship, Loss of a Friend Finals are next week. Yay. I'm not overly thrilled about them, but hey, they gotta get done at some point. I have a huge presentation to do tomorrow in Learning Skills. Yeah, not looking forward to that. Then the final for Intro to Biology is worrying me already. Oh well. I just want the next week and a half to fly right on by. So this last weekend was Christmas at Lakeland. My mom, dad, sister and her fiance came on Saturday and we went to the meal and concert (since I was in it) and just had a grand ol' time. Around 1:30 on Sunday morning, I had this horrible pain in my lower back on the right side. I had no idea what it was. I was also really sick. I thought it was the food, so I didn't think much of it. I was lucky that my sis and her fiance stayed in a guest room on campus, so she was able to come over and see what was up with me. She had no idea. She made a heating pad thing for me and I took a bunch of ibuprofen and was able to fall asleep at like 7:00. The pain went away, but as the day progressed the pain came back. I barely made it through the concert on Sunday. Right after the concert, Sam took me to the Emergency Room. I had some tests done and other stuff. The doctor came in, asked me if I've ever had Kidney Stones before. I said no. Then she goes "Now you have!" I was like...great. The doctor says that the stones aren't very big, so I'm just going to have to pass them. Ugh. So, I'm on vicodin and some other drug that helps with nausea. It hurts bad, but I'm dealing with it. If the pain doesn't go away by the end of the week, I'm gonna have to go back in. *sigh* On a better note. Dexter and I talked last night. Things are well between us. We've decided to start dating. See how everything goes. He apologized for the way he's been treating me and is amazed how I have stuck behind him through everything. Honestly, I just never give up on the ones I care about. So, things are good in that part of my life. This morning I found out that someone that I work with at Kmart died. I'm not exactly 100% sure why, but I think I know. I have been crying all day long. She was such and amazing person and a great friend to talk to. She will be greatly missed by all her friends, family and coworkers. She's in a happier place now. God has found himself another angel to party with. :) I miss you tons, Jessica. So, now that I've had the weirdest day of my life, consisting of starting a relationship, getting over an illness and losing a friend. I hope nothing happens within the next week. To Sam...thanks for taking me to the Emergency Room and being there for me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you. To everyone else, I'm sorry if I haven't told you EVERYTHING that's going on. I'm just flustered with everything that's going on. I hope you all understand. Current Mood: grateful (Comment on this)
Friday, September 15th, 2006
9:25 pm	Oh boy.... I feel like things have been so messed up lately and I’m confused as to what to do. Like, last weekend, I hung out with him on Friday night, but we hadn’t planned on hanging out. I happened to be in his dorm and we started talking. 3 or 4 hours later I finally went back to my room. During that time, we talked and he sang a couple songs for me that he wrote. It was fun just hanging out and what not. There came a point before I left that I gave him a hug and our faces were just inches from each other. I looked into his eyes and he looked back. I swear we were going to kiss. Deep down, I really wanted to kiss him. But something told me not to because he wouldn’t like it. So I didn’t. I wanted to tell him that if I could, I would have kissed him. But I didn’t. It would have been uncomfortable. I just had my arms around him for awhile, and then pulled away when I realized I felt uneasy. But I didn’t want to let go. I just wanted to hold him forever. I knew that wouldn’t be pleasing for him. Being held by someone like that again made me feel as if he cared about me. I felt like I had the world when I gave him that big hug. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. The next day, Saturday, was the Zeta/Alpha party in the pub. I hadn’t planned on going or anything, cuz we had planned on hanging out somewhere. I met him earlier in the day for lunch and we were going to go job hunting, but he didn’t want to, so after lunch, we kind of parted ways. In the evening we went to a friend’s apartment to do DDR. I wasn’t in the mood to do it, but I just watched the guys for awhile. After that, we went back to his room and his roommate was there. I thought he wasn’t going to be, because he had mentioned that his roommate was going to go see his girlfriend. Obviously, he didn’t. So he went and took a shower and I just sat in his room, bored and uncomfortable. When he came back, we didn’t really talk at all. I just sat there as he talked with his roommate. By then I was bored out of my mind and wanted to leave. I’ve noticed that his personality changes so much when his roommate is there. After awhile he went to someone else’s room, had a couple drinks and had come back, I asked him if he wanted to drink some more. I had some stuff left over from the weekend before. So we went to my room and downed the rest of the bottle. We walked down to the pub and hung out for awhile. I had a smoke. Oh my, kill me. After awhile we went back to his room and hung out for a little bit, then went back to the pub. We hung out some more. We walked back to his dorm and I pouted cuz I just wanted to be with him. He said he promised his roommate that he’d hang out with him. I made him promise me that he’d call me on Sunday. He said he would. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. I went to bed happy, yet sad, because we hung out that night. On Sunday, I called him around 3:00….he was still in BED! So, I kind of gave up on the possibility of hanging out with him on Sunday. It was then that I realized that I have no chance of being with him anytime soon because he’s acting as if he’s not interested in me or anything. I told myself that I was going to ignore him as much as possible over the next week or so. Well, that didn’t work. I ended up talking with him a bit before band rehearsal last night. I felt awkward talking to him, because I told myself not to go after him. Why do I do this?! He doesn’t want to date me! He doesn’t deserve me! I’ve been single for an entire month and already I’m trying to chase after another guy, while I still have immense feelings for my ex. God, I’m a fool. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex. Why? I don’t know. We haven’t talked to each other in ages and I keep thinking about him. I keep thinking about what he’s doing, who he’s talking to, how he’s doing, how his family is, if he has a job yet, when he’s going to come visit, why he hasn’t talked to me, if we’ll ever get back together and when we’ll be on good terms again. So many things keep going through my mind and I realize I miss him so much. It’s not as a significant other, it’s as a friend. Someone who’s just about as weird as I am who won’t make fun of me. Someone who I could laugh with about anything. Someone who I could go to about anything and everything in the world. But now I don’t have that sense of wellbeing. I feel like I have no one. Yeah, I know I have the girls who I live with, my sisters and, I guess, my family. I keep thinking of the next time he’s coming to Lakeland. Today, I found out when that will be. When I found that out, I got so nervous. I’m petrified of what will happen. I’m fearful of how he’ll act when we see each other. I’m anxious about how I will act. I’m just hoping, wishing, praying that we will talk before then. A part of me doesn’t want to see him at all with the fear that we will have a huge disagreement as to what happened and why I broke up with him. Another part of me wants to see him when he so we can talk and come to terms. Somehow I want to tell him that I still love him and am willing to do anything to be with him once again. All of this has been running through my mind over the last few days. I’m afraid that he won’t forgive me for what happened. I know that last year I put our relationship before my family, friends, sorority, and mostly school. Now I’m trying to recover with the hopes that things will not go back to the way they were, but become better than they always have been. I feel like I’m trying so much harder in my classes than I ever have done in my entire life. I just hope that I can continue with it and not let other things get in the way. Right now, I feel like I’ve wasted about an hour of studying for a biology quiz to write this blog. I can’t concentrate unless I let all of my frustrations out and on paper so that I can read them once again. I’m weird, I know. But that’s how I am. I feel better now that I’ve written this. So… I’m going to go study. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 28th, 2006
3:31 pm	Um, yeah.... I just got done with my first day of classes. They went alright, I guess. Bio seems like it's going to be challenging for me. Persuasive writing seems alright. German is hilarious so far. Math...well, it'll be interesting since we were only there for less than 10 minutes. And then there's Learning Skills. I can't believe I brought myself to have to take that class. But, I figure, hey, it's going to be easy. My Bio lab for tomorrow has been cancelled, so I have nothing going on tomorrow. Then I have no classes on Thursdays. It's going to be pretty sweet. :) In the time between my math and learning skills class, I came online to just be the nosy person that I am and I read his livejournal. It was all about me. After reading it, I felt so horrible because of the way that things happened between us. I've been trying to forget him and the things we had, but I can't. I'm here at Lakeland where all of those memories were made and I keep thinking about him. Somehow, I feel like I made a mistake. I still care for him. Now that we're not together, it's now that I want to be with him more than I ever have. I want him to take me back, but I don't know if he will because I was such a bitch about everything. Even if we could talk more or communicate better, I think things could work. But, once again, I don't know if he'll take me back. I feel desperate somehow. Yes, I know miscommunications happen, but I felt it happened one too many times. I felt that towards the end, our relationship wasn't going anywhere because we didn't talk much and I never knew when I would see him again. No phone calls. No emails. No instant messaging. I feel betrayed. I feel all alone. I feel as if I screwed up so bad that no one understands how I feel. I want to be with him again, but I don't know how he'll feel. I just want to cry. I miss him so much. I don't know what to do. I still love him. Is that so wrong? Current Mood: guilty (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
11:41 am	So, today would have been mine and Justin's 9 months. But, it's not. I did the one thing I thought I would never do...I broke up with him. It was just getting too hard to communicate with each other and knowing when we'd see each other again was way too far into the future, so everything was in question. It was kind of weird how it ended too. He told me that the first week in August his dad was going to visit. So, the first part of the week when he wasn't online, I didn't think much of it. When it was the end of the week, he still wasn't online and I felt that something was up. I had emailed him and asked him where he was and he replied that he was at camp and will be at camp again the next week and that he told me about it. No, he didn't. Justin said that his dad was going to visit. He said nothing about going to work at camp again. By then, I was pissed off because it made me think of how many other times hes lied to me. I figured this was all just a bunch of bullshit and that I couldn't do this anymore. So, later in the second week when he was at camp, I sent him an email saying that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to be together, but I wanted to talk to him about it. So, last Saturday when I came home from work, I noticed he changed his status on Facebook to single and it said that he was online. Well, his screen name didnt show up on both AOL and MSN instant messenger. I was like "you dumbass." He blocked me from instant messaging and probably blocked me from his call list. He deleted all the comments I made on his wall on Facebook and didn"t reply to my message about how I wanted to talk to him. All I can think about is how childish he is being about our breakup and won"t face the fact that Sandy and Justin are no longer "Sandy and Justin." I have other things to worry about beside him anyways. I've been slowly getting ready to leave for school. I move in on Wednesday, sometime. Im so excited. I'm finally getting my ass out of here. Yes, I will miss my family, but I like being on my own with people I choose to be with. So, my house is basically a pigsty. Oh well. It'll be gone by Wednesday. I've got clothes everywhere and scrapbooking stuff all over the place. To the ladies of Phi Delta Omega: I've finished with the scrapbook from last semester. If you still have some pictures that you would like in the scrapbook, let me know. I will gladly put them in. Other than that, there's not much new. My computer is being fucking stupid. If anyone wants to help me figure out what is wrong with it, let me know. Also, my older sister, Shari and I are going to the Packer game tonight, so I must head out and get all ready for the game. Have a great Weekend! Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
7:41 pm	Oh boy.... So I’ve been doing some thinking lately. I’ve thought about how much of a waste my life is and how much of a waste I am. It seems like I can’t get what I want or do what I want. Yes, you guessed it. The one thing I want most right now is to be with Justin. We’ve been together 8 months and this last month has been the longest month in our relationship. We haven’t seen each other in a month and I think that’s the hardest thing a couple has to go through….not seeing each other. But what the fuck do I know about relationships? This is my first one, and its long distance at that. I feel like I’m screwing this one up. How? I don’t know. We talk a couple times a week on AIM and that’s about it. We don’t have huge and amazing conversations either. Sometimes he leaves in the middle of a conversation too. No phone calls. No emails. It makes me sad, but what else can I do? My plans on going to Maine during Labor Day weekend have been eliminated because of financial reasons. He doesn’t know if he’s coming to Sheboygan for homecoming because he might be going to school this year after all. Then I had a brilliant plan of visiting during Christmas break. Yeah, that’s not going to work either because he has to go to New Orleans. So, seeing Justin anytime soon is out of the question and knowing when I’ll see him again is like saying when President Bush will stop being a dumbass. I feel worthless. My family is getting on my nerves too. They don’t understand what it’s like to have a long distance relationship, because they have been cooped up here in Central Wisconsin for their entire lives. Conveniently, their “other halves” have been right there with them every single day of the fucking week and they don’t have to worry about when they will and will not see them again. It’s aggravating. I’ve noticed lately that my “loving” family gives me so much attitude that I can’t put up with it. My mom asked me why I didn’t do the work that she told me to do last night and I didn’t give her a reason. She asked me why I didn’t have a reason then I told her that I guess I can’t talk to my boyfriend anymore. She says that I can but I have to do HER work. I also said that I don’t know when I’m going to see him again. She asked why or that he’s not coming out here. Then I said something how she doesn’t care if I see him or not anyways. Then she yelled at me and said that she does care. That was the end of that conversation. Personally, I don’t think she cares at all about what I want. I don’t bother asking anyone else in the family because they’ll go with what my mom says. So, I’m shit out of luck on everything. Plus, since my grades this last semester ripped me another asshole, I have to obey my mom’s every wish and get to be the slave and the one to get yelled at in the family. It pisses me off. My mom says that my attitude has been horrible ever since I came home that I need to shape up before going to school. The reason why my attitude has been like that is because of her and the fact that I can’t be with Justin. So, those are two of my biggest issues right now. My other issue is money. My mom wants me to start forking over some money…bullshit. I work at Kmart for heaven’s sake! I get paid less than seven bucks an hour and don’t get as many hours as I would like. Plus gas isn’t cheap either. So, putting all that together….Sandy=not much money to give to mommy and daddy. I know I’m getting all worked up on everything. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this. God, I can’t wait to move back to Lakeland. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 7th, 2006
8:25 pm	Time will only tell... Work sucks. But I'm getting paid for it. I got jipped on my last paycheck. I was only getting paid $6.37 per hour and the minimum wage is $6.50. So, naturally, I complained and got a raise to $6.75. I personlly think I'm still getting jipped for how little I'm getting paid for the amount of time that I've been there. But oh well. Today is my first day off since last Tuesday and it was a great feeling not having to go into work today. I've had 6 shifts in a row that were 8 hours or more. I was beat by the time my shift was done. But it'll be nice to have that money when the next check comes. So a few days ago was the fourth of July. Yay. Happy late 4th everyone. I didn't do anything at all for the holiday, except work. I did see some fireworks at my brother's place on Monday night after work. Those were pretty cool. First time I've seen my brother in a month and he lives 4 miles away from me. How sad. I've noticed that I talk to my brother and oldest sister more when I'm at school. I don't know how that works out, but, oh well. Living at home isn't the best thing, but my parents pay for everything, so I shouldn't complain too much. My mom keeps giving me attitude and I'm getting sick of it. She makes me do chores and stuff around the house all the time and doesn't have my sister do anything. Granted my sister works 2nd shift all the time and has a full time job, I shouldn't be the one who has to do everything around the house. One morning, I was checking my email, was on the computer for about half an hour, my mom comes into the room and said "Have you been on that thing all damn day already?" I said "No, I've only been on here for half an hour or so." She was really snotty about that and told me to get my ass off the computer and fold the laundry. My sister walks into the room and my mom was nice to her as if she didn't just bitch to me. She also does this with my other sister. What the fuck is her problem? Apparently since I'm the youngest and blah blah blah, I can do all her work for her. Makes me sick. So, today my mom and I were talking and playing cards. We talked about my sisters boyfriends and what not. I asked my mom what she thought of Justin. She was like "Well, Justin's alright." That basically told me that she doesn't like him. As we continue on our conversation she asked me what will happen between the two of us. I told her I didn't know and that time will only tell what's going to happen. My mom asked me if I dumped Justin and found someone new. I said that I didn't know. She asked me that of Justin. I said I don't know again. Basically, if you come down to it, my mom doesn't like Justin and that she wants me to break up with him. Yeah. That's NOT going to happen. Justin is my first and right now, my only. I can't imagine the thought of breaking up with him. It breaks my heart and it makes me cry. I miss him so much and I can't wait to be with him again. The question is....when will I see him again? Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
7:44 pm	I guess I was wrong... So, I've been pretty busy for the last 2 weeks. I worked for 9 days straight, but I had like 3-4-5 hour shifts, so yeah, it sucked. I'm sick of working at Kmart and wearing the loser-like clothes that I have to wear. But payday is coming up so I'm happy. Money! :) This last weekend, Justin came up for Tanja's wedding. I was able to meet a bunch of Phi Delt's. So that was super awesome! :) The wedding was short, about half an hour. Me, Dylan and Justin just hung out at Dylan and Lea's apartment before the wedding and afterwards. I LOOOOVE their apartment. I want to live in it! :) On Sunday, Justin went back home and I didn't want him to leave. It was kind of weird seeing him again after 3 weeks but after 3 days, we got closer which I am thankful for. We went to the beach on Sunday before heading to the Milwaukee airport and talked about when he's coming up here again. It's not going to be until homecoming in October, which is the weekend right before my birthday. I was like "Oh my gosh, I can't go that long without seeing him!" So, Justin and I kind of made some plans for me to go out to Maine and see him for a few days before school starts. I'll have enough money then and won't be working then, because I'll be done with working at Kmart for the summer. There's just one thing holding me back: MY MOM! I know she won't let me go. She says it's because I need to get my grades up and blah blah blah. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT WHEN IT'S SUMMERTIME?!?!?!?! It's kind of hard to have a full course load when I'm not taking any classes. GRR!! But anyways....I have a feeling she doesn't approve of my relationship with Justin. She thinks he's the reason why I'm not going to do music anymore and that he's using me for money. NOT TRUE!!!! Anyways, when it came time for spring break, I asked her if Justin could come over for a couple days. She said no. He came for a day. I consider myself lucky. But one thing that doesn't make sense and pisses me off is that she lets my sister Shari have her boyfriend Joe stay over here 3 or 4 times a week. It seems to me that she doesn't care what everyone else does, except for me. WHY?! Is it because I'm in college? She always says that if I have to the opportunity to do something, I should do it. I guess being able to visit my boyfriend 1200 miles aways isn't part of that. I think she just wants us to break up. I really do, and it kills me inside. But I'm not going to because I care about him and love him to much to let him go. I'm not a quitter. There's another thing too....I honestly think my mom wants me to get pregnant, drop out of school and work in a factory for the rest of my life. I won't let that happen though. I don't want to live my mom's life. It's my life! I'm going to live it how I want to and do things I want to do and go places I want to go. Why doesn't she understand that? Is it because I'm her baby? It's just so frustrating that my siblings can do whatever they want to, but I can't. Whenever I'm home, my mom makes me do work around the house, but never has my sister do it. That fuckin' pisses me off. I feel like I'm her slave. Grr! I though my mom understood me. But I guess I was wrong. What do I do? Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Monday, June 19th, 2006
10:46 pm	Questions\ YELLOW - SELF DISCOVERY 1. Name: Sandy Marie Sternitzky 2. Where were you born? Marshfield, WI 3. What do you want most in life? to be someone to my family and friends 4. Do you want to have children? Yes. 5. How do you want to die? peacefully RED - ANGER 1. Are you currently mad at someone? not really mad, just sad 2. Which of your family members has the worst temper? Dad...now you guys know who i get it from 3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? yep 4. Does your face turn red when you're angry? maybe, i dunno 5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell? both ORANGE - EXCITEMENT 1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you? No 2. Are you easily excited? yes 3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about? the weekend....Tanja's wedding and I get to be with Justin 4. Which of your friends is most excitable? I'd have to say Sam and Crystal 5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought? I have MONEY!! Now I can pay for school 6. If you could have anything right now, what would it be? money and to see justin GREEN - OPINIONS 1. Sex before marriage? it happens...God's not going to punish you 2. Gay marriage? yes...if straight people can get married, why can't gay people? 3. Lower the drinking age? it'd be nice, but it won't work anyways 4. Capital Punishment? eh.... 5. Abortion? depend on the circumstances...otherwise, no 6. Recycling? Yes PURPLE - LOVE 1. Do you love someone? yes 2. Do you have a crush? yeah...justin 3. Who is the best hugger that you know? my mom 4. Do you believe in love at first sight? eh, to a certain extent Q&A Q: How many beds were you in yesterday? A: 1. Q: What color shirt are you wearing? A: white Q: Name one thing that you do everyday? A: right now...work, think of justin Q: How much cash do you have on you right now? A: None....I have no money Q: Hockey? A: it's a sport, mainly played on ice... Q: I can't wait till...? A: Friday Q: Who got you to join Myspace? A: bunch of people Q: Is Tom on your friends list? A: yeah, somewhere Q: Look to your left. What's there? A: a wall Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone? A: psh. i think i borrowed a shirt from my sister like 6 years ago Q: What website(s) do you visit the most? A: myspace, hotmail, lakeland email, facebook, livejournal Q: Do you have plants in your room? A: no Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now? A: my head Q: What city was your last taxi ride in? A: Munich, Germany Q: Do you own a picture phone? A: yep Q: Recent time you were REALLY upset? A: I dunno. I'm upset now cuz Justin isn't talking to me....I was just joking and he decided to sign off _______Last________ 1. Person you saw: my dad 2. Hugged: my mom 3. Movie watched: You've Got Mail 4. Song you listened to: Sunny Days, by CopperBox ______Today_______ 1. What are you doing now: what do you think i'm doing? 2. What are you doing tonight: go to bed soon 3. What are you going to eat for dinner: i had some hotdish that my mommy made ______Tomorrow_____ 1. Is: Tuesday, June 20, 2006 2. Goal: Go to work and stay sane 3. What are you doing tomorrow: working then hanging out with alex 4. Do you have to work: DUH!!! ________Currently_________ 1. Currently in love with: Justin 2. Like someone (crush): Justin 3. Does that someone like you?: I hope so. I might be wrong 9 Lasts: -place you were at: Subway -beverage: lemonade -kiss: today, my mommy (no, i'm not a lesbian) -movie seen: You've Got Mail -phone call: called home after I got done working today -cd played: CopperBox -bubblebath: psh...last summer? -time you cried: i dunno, saturday ----------------------------------------------------- 8 Have you Evers: -dated someone twice: no -kissed somebody and regretted it: no -fallen in love: yes -made out in the woods: nope -been depressed: unfortunately -been in a fight: not really -bungee jumped: no ------------------------------------------------------ 7 states you've been to: 1. Wisconsin 2. Illinois 3. Iowa 4. Michigan 5. Minnesota 6. Virginia 7. Washington D.C. (I know it's a City, but I don't remember what states) ------------------------------------------- 6 things you've done today: 1. worked 2. took a shower 3. drove 4. ate 5. slept 6. missed Justin ---------------------------------------------------- 5 things you used today: 1. Computer 2. Phone 3. Frigerator 4. Debit Card 5. My car ----------------------------------------------------- 4 people you can tell pretty much anything to: 1. Sam 2. Kari 3. Crystal 4. Lea -------------------------------------------------- 3 favorite colors: 1. Blue 2. Red 3. Forest Green ------------------------------------------------------- 2 things you want to do before you die: 1. get married and have kids 2. become successful in whatever career i choose ---------------------------------- 1 thing you regret: losing it when i did ---------------------------------- One Hundred Have You Evers 1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? yep 2. Slept in a different bed? Yes 3. Made out in a movie theatre? eh, kind of 4. Made out in the forest? no 5. Thought your cousin was hot? like my 3rd cousin...long time ago 7. Slept naked? yep 9. Gone over the speed limit? i'll let you know when i go under the speed limit 10. Painted your room? yep 11. Driven a car? yep 12. Danced in front of your mirror? when i was little 13. Gotten a hicky? Yes 14. Been Dumped? no...not yet at least(don't want to either) 15. Stolen money from a friend? i would never do that. besides they have about as much money as i do...none 16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? uhhhh, no 17. Been in a fist fight? nope 18. Snuck out of your house? no 19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? all the time 20. Been arrested? nope 22. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes 23. Had a crush on your neighbor? no 24. Ditched school to do something more fun? yep.. all the time 25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes 26. Seen someone die? nope 27. Been on a plane? Yes, how else do you think i got to germany? 28. Kissed a picture? yeah 29. Slept in until 3 p.m.? i might have 30. Love someone or miss someone right now? yep 31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes 32. Made a snow angel? yep 33. Played dress up? Yes 34. Cheated while playing a game? yup 35. Been lonely? yes, all the time 36. Fallen asleep during work/school? Yes 37. Been to a club? nope 38. Felt an earthquake? nope 39. Touched a snake? Yes, when i was little 40. Ran a red light? and stop signs 42. Had detention? no 43. Been in a car accident? kind of 45. Witnessed a crime? no 46. Been lost? yeah 47. Been to the opposite side of the county? and the opposite side of the world 48. Felt like dying of embarassment? yep 49. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes, i have alot lately 50. Sang karaoke? nope 51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? yeah 52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? not that i can remember 53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yep 54. Kissed in the rain? No 55. Sung in the shower? no 56. Had a dream that you married someone? yep 57. Glued your hand to something? yeah, probably 58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Nope 59. Ever gone to school partially naked? nope 60. Been a cheerleader? no 61. Sat on a roof top? Yes 62. Didn't take a shower for a week? I can't go 2 days.... 63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? yep 64. Played chicken? yep 65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? nope 66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? nope 67. Broken a bone? No 68. Been easily amused? yeah 69. Laugh so hard you cry? and not breathe 71. Forgotten someone's name? yep, all the time 72. Blacked out from drinking? Nope 73. Played a prank on someone? nah 74. Gone to a late night movie? yeah 76. Failed a class? alot of them, unfortunately 77. Choked on something non-edible? no 78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? not 10 straight hours. 80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no 82. Felt like killing someone? yep 83. Thought about running away? yes 84. Ran away? no 85. Had detention and not attend it? nope 86. Made your parents cry? yeah, when i left for school 87. Cried over someone? Yes, all the time 88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no 89. Dated someone more than once? no 90. Have a dog? Yep...cheyenne 91. Own an instrument? Yes, a couple 94. Broken a cd? yes 95. Ever shot a gun? nope 96. Been online for more than 5 hours? Yeah 97. Eaten an entire pizza? i might have 98. Flirted with a huge nerd, just to be funny? no 99. Have u ever eaten POLLO ASADO? what the fuck is that? 100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? she was a good one... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
7:31 pm	Big Whoop So, yeah...Today I found out that I'm on Academic Probation. I'm not surprised about that because I put no effort whatsoever into my music classes, therefore failing. Yeah, I know. I screwed up. So I have to take Learning Skills. Big whoop. I also have to go inactive of the Phi Delta Omega sorority. I knew this might happen to me someday, didn't know when though. The one thing that is going to piss me off is once I go inactive, all of my sisters are going to forget about me and treat me like I'm not even a sister. Trust me, they do it to some other girls. I know that some or most of the girls won't want me to become active again. And honestly, I don't think I'll have a problem with that. I love my sisters and everything, but what I've seen happen to other girls who have gone inactive, I'm not going to be treated the same ever again. I know that. If anyone has a problem with that, tough crap. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Current Mood: worried (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
3:25 pm	30 ways to make a girl smile 1. Dont hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she'll feel left out 2. Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second. 3. Hug her from behind (girls love that) 4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to. 5. Don't go hang out with your ex when shes not with you, you might not realize how badly it hurts her. 6. If you're talking to another girl, when you're done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her.... let her know she's yours and they aren't. 7. Write her notes or call her just to say "hi" 8. Introduce her to your friends . . . as your girlfriend. 9. Play with her hair. 10. Get upset if another guy touches her and she doesn't like it 11. Make her laugh 12. Let her fall asleep in your arms. 13. If she's mad at you, kiss her. 14. If you care about her, then TELL HER 15. Every guy should give their girl 3 things: a stuffed animal(she'll hug it every time she goes to sleep), jewelry (she'll treasure it forever), and one of his t-shirts (she'll most likely wear it to bed). 16.Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone. 17. Look her in the eyes and smile. 18. Hang out with her on weekends 19. Kiss her in the rain (girls love this) 20. Kiss her just for the heck of it 21. If your listening to music, let her listen too. 22. Remember her birthday and get her something, even if its simple and inexpensive, it came from YOU. it means all the world to HER. 23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don't (it'll make her happy.) 24.Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don't care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don't necessarily have to have hour-long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello. 25. Give her what she wants 26. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. 27. TELL HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL NOT HOTT 28. Hang out with her whenever you are free and u should be free to hang wit your girl friend all the time 29. Guys dont necessarily alWAYS have to make the first move..but the girls shouldnt have to be the ones to do it EVERYTIME either..by not showing absolutely anY affection or making aNY first moves..can make her feel like just a friend..even if u think otherwise. 30.IF YOU CARE ABOUT HER...SHOW HER YOU DO! (Comment on this)
9:54 am	Summer Nights Its been a while. Whoops! So much has happened within the last month and a half, its kind of crazy. Finals sucked. No biggie there. I've decided that I want to double major in Writing and Computer Science and have a minor in German. The German minor requires a semester in Germany and Mom doesnt like that. But yet she says I can do whatever I want for my education, except go to Germany even thought I have to go. Grr. Justin graduated on May 7th. It made me sad, but yet I was happy that he reached such a big milestone in his life that will let him do what he wants to do. I met his dad, mom and grandma. They're pretty nice. I dont know them well enough to say much more. Justin's grandma, who they call Grammy, was originally born in Stevens Point or her parents were born there. I cant remember. Just saying how small of a world it is. Then May-term came. My class was such a joke compared to others. It was mainly because we ended up going on a trip to Germany. We just learned a few phrases that would help us if we were lost or something. In the two weeks of that class, Justin and I spent about 20 hours a day together. It was nice because I knew that once we went on the trip, I wouldnt have alone time with him and once we go back, hed have to leave right away. We celebrated our six months the day before we left for Germany. It was alright. We went out for dinner and that was about it. My body decided to get a cold the day we had to leave. I was pissed, mainly because I hadnt been sick the entire year and this was when I decided to get sick. But oh well. I was better after a couple days. Overall, it was a great trip. Even though it rained every single day, I still had a great time. I think twice throughout the entire trip we missed the train, that was because the first part of a connecting train ran late, therefore missing the second train. One time we were supposed to get on the number 3 train, but accidentally got on the number 2 train. But we made it to where we were supposed to be going. The food was good and I spent all my money and brought back lots of chocolate! J On Thursday, Justin and I spent the entire day together. We went out for breakfast, went to Lakeland so he could pack all of his stuff up, which never did fit in his car. We got some dinner and later on went to a different hotel. Friday was the worst day of my life. I hate saying good-bye to my friends and family. But saying good-bye to Justin was the hardest thing I had to do. I cried and cried. I felt stupid, but I didnt care at the time. Justin means so much to me that I didnt' want to let him go that day. I kept telling him that he didnt have to leave. Whenever he would leave for a couple days, I was fine with that, because I knew that I would see him soon, but on Friday, I was unsure of when I was going to see him again and thats why I cried. As soon as we parted and drove in different directions and as soon as his car wasn't visible in my rearview mirror, I just cried and cried. I cried about half of the trip home. This probably sounds stupid to some people, but I just hate letting things go, especially things or people who mean so much to me. Good thing I had my mom to cry to when I got home. Good thing for moms. The last few days have been rather lonely. I'm just trying to get used to the fact that I can't see Justin every single day. But in two weeks I get to see him when he comes over for Tanja's wedding. I honestly dont know what to think of the whole ordeal. But I get to see him, and that's what matters. Next week I start working at Kmart once again. I don't want to, but its a job and I get paid. Thats the only reason why I'll be working there. . . I love my job Hope everyone's summers are going well. Miss ya! Have a great week/weekend! Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
9:50 am	Recap of Germany Trip This is going to be quite long... On Saturday, May 20th, Justin, Jess and I left the Milwaukee Amtrak station and took the train to Chicago. We went to the OHare airport and met everyone there. The flight left at 7:30pm and we arrived in Frankfurt, Germany at 11:30am on Sunday morning (around 3:30am). That afternoon, after we got all of our stuff organized, we went to Saalburg which had the garrison of the Roman legions in Germania. We saw the ruins, which were kind of interesting to see, and then we left for the youth hostel in Bacharach. Now, this lovely youth hostel is on a very steep hill, and the only way you can really get to it is climbing up the 200 or 300 stairs. But the alternative to that is the gradual incline which vehicles drive. So, some of us took that route. But along the way Dr. Christensen found some people to give us a lift to the youth hostelwell, only 2 of us. So, Justin and I went. I was sick and I think Justin didnt really feel like climbing. But whatever the reason, I didnt have to worry about climbing up the hill that night. It took a while for Dr. Ulrich to figure out what was going on with our rooms, but we soon figured it out. On Monday, the 22nd, we left Bacharach to go to Mainz to go on the Rhein River cruise. But Dana accidentally left her and Justins train pass in the room. Ulrich thought it would be best to stay behind with the two, just to make sure they got back alright, and since I was Dr. Ulrichs train pass partner, I had to stay too. When we got going, we made it down to Mainz and got on the cruise boat. The cruise was alright, it rained the entire time, but I was able to get a lot of good pictures of the castles that are along the Rhein River. The scenery was great too. Then in the afternoon we went to the Marksburg castle. That was really neat. I remember Dana saying Forget buying a stair master. Just climb a castle in Germany! That comment made everyone laugh. The castle was really neatfull of old stuff. Ha. Then we went to the youth hostel and I actually had to climb the stairs because Ulrich wasnt able to get a hold of a taxi for us. Oh well. I made it up there. When I got there, there were about 75 kids around the age of ten there. OH MY GOD!!!!! Those kids were fucking annoying!! As soon as I got up there and heard them, I said to Justin Oh boy, I need a drink if I have to put up with this shit. So I went and had a piña colodait was goodI dont care for beer. Around midnight all of us girls finally got into bed and those damn kids were still annoying, so Lyndsey got up and nicely asked them to be quiet and the kids started swearing at her in German!! Honestly! I dont think I was close to being allowed to swear at that age! But eventually we fell asleep and I was happy. On Tuesday, the 23rd, we went to Köln, which is a city of about 2 million people. We got to see the amazing cathedral which took about 700 years to build. Its a brownish blackish color which I thought was natural, but its that dark color because of air pollution. After we visited the cathedral, we got to do whatever we wanted for about 2 hours and then met up to go to the Roman Museum. But Katie, Ally, Jess and I didnt want to go so we explored the city some more. We did some shopping and went to eat at the Hard Rock Café then headed back to Bacharach. When we got to Bacharach we found a little restaurant to try out some späztle, which is like homemade noodles. We called Dr. Ulrich to let him know what was happening and we told him that we missed the train. As soon as Ally said that we all started laughing so hard that it sounded like we were crying, even though we were joking. Dr. Ulrich got the hint that we were joking. We made it up the hill later on and back into the youth hostel and basically went to bed right away because we were so tired. On Wednesday, the 24th, we left Bacharach and headed off to Rothenburg, a city that was built in the Middle Ages and is still like that to this day (with the exception of technology and vehicles and blah blah blah). We went out for lunch, where I had some wiener schnitzelyummy. After that we went to St. Jakob Church which was really neat and then we toured the city some more. Most of us went to the Museum of Criminal Justice, which basically was the torture museum. That place was kind of freaky because of the instruments that they all used. After that we just explored some more and just hung out and relaxed. It was kind of nice. I think that was the only day it didnt rain. In the evening a couple of us found a little restaurant in town and it was really good food. Later on Justin and I just hung out for a while then went to bed. On Thursday, the 25th, we traveled what seemed like all fucking day to München, sometimes known as Munich, and made it to the youth hostel in the late afternoon. Once we got situated, we went to the Marienplatz and then headed to the Hofbräuhaus. Once Justin, Jess, Ally, Katie and I sat down, we basically got up right away, because, even though we were outside, it was smoky. We couldnt handle it, so we left. We found some place on the street to eat, which was really good, then headed back to the youth hostel. The other girls went and did some laundry and Justin and I just hung out, and then later made me mad. Grr. He didnt bother telling me he wasnt feeling good, so I was pissed, cuz I wanted to do laundry. I went to bed sad. L On Friday, the 26th, we went on a tour of the city, which was kind of shitty, cuz the bus sucked. Justin and I talked and things were good again (I felt like he was ignoring me, but he really wasnt). In the afternoon we went to the Dachau Concentration Camp. That place was so depressing, I almost started to cry. It was remarkable to see the history behind everything and know what it was used for. Then later on we explored the city on our own and went to the Laundromat. It is so expensive to do laundry over there! It was about $4.00 to wash and then another $3.00 to dry. How stupid is that?! Grr!! Then in the evening Justin and I just hung out and talked some more. Went to bed happy and relieved, but very tired. On Saturday, the 27th, we walked around the city some more and saw the Glockenspiel at the Marienplatz. It was pretty cool. It wasnt as spectacular as I thought it was going to be, but it was worth it. Then we traveled a few hours to Salzburg, Austria. We arrived in the later part of the afternoon. When we were outside the train station, Dr. Ulrich said something about passports. The next thing I know, Justin is starting to freak out because his passport, bank card and 200 (Euros) was in this traveler wallet that he had around his neck, under his sweatshirt. While we were on the train, he took the sweatshirt off, therefore taking the wallet off too. Well, he couldnt find it in his bags or anything, so he booked it to where the train was, but missed it. Ulrich called the train people to look for it. They would call later in the evening to let us know if they found it. In the meantime we were waiting for a bus to take us to the youth hostel. When we got on the bus, we noticed that both Ulrich and Christensen left their bags behind. So Steven and Christensen got off at the next stop and went to get the bags. So the rest of us got off where we needed to and made it to the youth hostel. We could see the Alps just down the street from where we were staying. It was pretty. Justin and I were too lazy to travel anywhere since it had been raining all day and we just didnt want to go out in the rain. So Justin and I just hung out, checked our email, played a few hours worth of Rummy 500 and Egyptian Rat Screw and ate pizzas. It was yummy. Later on in the evening, we got a call that the train people didnt find Justins traveler wallet. SoGrr. Justin cried, but I calmed him down and told him that things were going to be okay. We got a couple phone cards so he could call home and give them the scoop on what happened. Went to bed later on in a not-so-comfortable bed. The rooms kind of sucked too, because there was no room to move and having 8 girls in one tiny room isnt the greatest thing in the world. On Sunday, the 28th, we took a tour of Salzburg and to be honest, I dont remember much of what it was about. Since we were on a greyhound type of bus, I slept for half of it. Halfway through the tour we stopped and got off at this really nice looking area of land. Somehow, it looked so familiar, as if from a movie. Sure enough, the first thing we ran into was the gazebo that was used in the Sound of Music where Sixteen on Seventeen was filmed. It was neat to be in such a historic place. Then we walked further on and saw the courtyard area and the building that was used for filming. Of course, it was pouring the entire time we were there, so going in wasnt an option. Hmph! I think about 4 or 5 people bought umbrellas from the gift shop. I thought that was kind of funny. We drove past the place where Mozart was born and grew upbut I dont remember much of thatoh well. We waited around for Ulrich to find us a place to eat atwe were starving. After an hour or so of looking, we found something. It was nice. By the time we got to the youth hostel, we were all drained and didnt want to go anywhere, so we didnt. We just hung out, played some cards and went to bed. Fun Fun. On Monday, the 29th, Justin and I left the youth hostel early so we could go to the Western Union that was in the train station. On the internet, it said that it opened at 7:30but it didnt until 8:30. Grr! So we just waited around until it opened, so I could get the money that Justins dad wired to me (Justin didnt have any I.D. to show to get the money since it was with the passport). Then we caught the train with the rest of the group to Füssen and then went to the Neuschwanstein to visit the castle. When we got to the city, it was raining, of course. We were able to get a horse and buggy ride up to the castle or as far as it could go and walked up from there. It was kind of raining when we got up to the castle, but by the time everyone got up there, it was pouring. We stood outside in line for the tour for about half an hour and it poured the entire time. GRR!! DAMN RAIN! When we finally go into the castle, we were told that we couldnt take pictures. GRR!! AGAIN!! The castle was spectacular! No wonder it cost millions of dollars to build. There was a man made cave and, uh, beautifulness everywhere! When we got out of the castle we found out that the horse and buggies were done running for the day. So we had to walk down the hill. GRR to that again! We got down to the bus stop in just enough time, except for Steve, Paul and Dr. Ulrich. They ended up getting the bus an hour later. When we got back to Füssen, we caught a train that would connect to one that would take us to Garmisch. We didnt get there until 11:00pm. Surprisingly, they had a taxi service still going, which was nice. We got all checked in to the youth hostel and fell asleep almost instantly from hitting the pillow. On Tuesday, the 30th, we all took the train to München so we could catch the train to Heidelberg. But Justin and I had to stay in München so he could go to the consulate to get an emergency passport. I went with so that someone could show I.D. to get in. We got there around 12:00 and the place didnt open until 1:00. Grr. So we found some place to eat and got there exactly at 1:00 and there was a line of people. We finally got in at around 1:50 and as soon as we got in they had to perform security check or something. It was procedure. When we finished with that we had to go fill out some passport forms, take a number and wait. Man, I tell yah! That place is worse that the DMV! We finally got out of there around 5:00 and went to the train station. By the time we figured out what we needed to do, we would have had to make haste to the train that we needed to take, without having something to eat and what not. So we took the one that was an hour later. We finally reached the youth hostel in Heidelberg around 9:30 or so. I went to bed basically right away because I was so tired of sitting around and doing nothing. On Wednesday, the 31st, the last day of the trip, we left the youth hostel around 10:00 and left for Frankfurt. When we got to the airport, we had to go through all the security and what not. I felt violated afterwards. But I wont go into that. When we were sitting around waiting to board the plane, some of us gave our reports and just hung out. I got some last minute things and got on the plane. The flight left at 2:30pm. The ride back was about 9 hours and it seemed like an eternity. I think I slept for a grand total of 20 minutes. On the way to Germany, I slept for 4 hours or so. I think that was because I was sick and took a couple of Tylenol PM. Hehe! We arrived at OHare around 5:00pm and left there around 6:30. We made it to the Milwaukee airport via bus around 8:00 and left there around 9:00 because we had to wait for Jess dad. We got back to Lakeland around 11:00 or so and then Justin and I went and got a hotel, since we were both checked out of our rooms at Lakeland. Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
2:05 am	La La La La 1. Where were you 1 hour ago? chillin' with everyone at kurtz 2. Who will be your next kiss? umm...justin 3. What is the largest amount of money you spent in one store? over 100....shoe carnival :) 4. is there anything pink within 10 ft of you? i'm in justin's room....not a chance 5. When is the last time you went to the mall? about 2 or 3 weeks ago 6. Are you wearing socks right now? nope 7. When was the last time you drove out of town? today 8. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? yep... saw Benchwarmers tonight with justin 9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water 10. What are you wearing right now? my pj's that i keep at justin's place 11. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? i wash it....it's cheaper 12. Last fast food you ate? if you consider culvers fast food...then today. if not, then like thursday or something 13. Where were you last week at this time? sleeping either in my bed or justin's 14. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? nope 15. When is the last time you ran? me? run? never 16. What's the last sporting event you watched? the brewer game a couple nights ago 17. What is your favorite class? writing 18. Your dream vacation? europe somewhere 19. Last person's house you were in? my house in junction city...near stevens point 20. How old are your parents? my dad is 67 and my mom is 56 21. Do you miss anyone? yep 22. Last play you saw? mother courage and her children 23. What are your plans for tonight? sleeping when i get done filling this thing out 24. Who is the last person you sent a message to on myspace? alex....i think. it's been a while 25. Ever go to camp? this one time at band camp....4 different summers baby! yeah! 26. Were you an honor roll student in school? not a chance 27. What do you want to know about the future? if i'll be married and to who, and what kind of job i'll have 28. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? nope 29. Are you hungry? kind of 30. Where is your best friend located? all the way up in duluth, minnesota 31. Who is your best friend? Nicole! 32. Do you have a tan? nope 33. Do you collect anything? coins 34. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? almost a year ago 35. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? yep 36. How do you like your drinks? yummy tasting and cold (unless it's hot chocolate or something) 37. Do you like hot sauce? nope 38. Last time you took a shower? this morning 39. Do you need to do laundry? kind of, but it can wait til i go home on friday 40. What is your heritage? german and czechoslovakian 41. Are you someones best friend? yup 42. Are you rich? not a chance 43. What do you think of the person who took this survey before? she's the bestest next door neighbor ever! 44. Plans for tomorrow? get up early, go to mayterm class, chill all afternoon, go to dinner with everyone from kurtz (i think) then hang out 45. Last person you dated? justin 46. Did you love them? yep 47. Who are you dating now? justin 48. Favorite color? blue 49. Favorite bar? candy bar: milky way desert bar: pumkin serves alcohol: i dunno. i'm not of age yet. dammit 50. Shoe size? 9.5/10 51. Motto to live by? if you have what it takes, you should go for it 52. A memory you'll never forget? there's so many 53. What mood are you in? hungry, tired - but awake Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
3:09 pm	Seasons of Love It's FRIDAY!! Yay!! It's also the end of finals week. Mwhahaha! It's been a long semester and it's finally over! I'm sad that everyone is leaving though because it feels like nobody is going to be here during the summer and I'll be all alone. For those of you staying on campus....keep me company, I'll need it. Not much has happened lately. Just a few banquets, such as the Phi Delta Omega, Greek and music banquets. They were pretty good, but I think I'm banqueted out. Haha. Spent most of the week with Justin just because I was able to and it was good. We had bonding time which hardly happens. Today his dad is coming for graduation and then tomorrow his mom and grandma come. I'm excited about meeting them, but nervous at the same time. Why? I don't know. Mayterm starts on Tuesday. Fun stuff. I'm taking the class that goes on the trip to Germany. Then we leave on the 20th. I'm excited about that. But I'm anxious right now because I don't have my passport yet and not enough money to cover the trip, so I don't really know what I should do. Other than that, there's not much new. My sister might get a dog. Yay! I actually don't have any feelings about that. Oh well. I don't care really. Nothing will replace Fluffy.....ever. I miss her. Have a great weekend! Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Monday, April 24th, 2006
10:01 pm	ARRRRRRGGGG! Today is Monday. I hate Mondays. I have a whole week of shit to look forward to that I don’t really want to. Finals are next week and yeah, I don’t care. I just don’t really give a damn anymore. Actually, I don’t really give a damn about anything anymore. I just want to say good-bye to the world. No one’s going to miss me anyways, so why should I be here? I swear half the people that I usually hang out with have forgotten who I am and in return treat me like shit when I try to “hang out” with them. I feel as if no one cares about me, not even my sorority sisters, not even my family, not even my friends. I feel like I’m a ghost because no one talks to me or asks me to do things anymore. What have I done to deserve this? Right now, all I want to do is go home and be with my mom. She’s the only person that will listen to me. She doesn’t give me much feedback, but she’ll listen, unlike some people. Some people will act like they care about me and everything, but then in return shoot me down and leave me in the dark and pretend that they don’t know me. I’M SICK OF IT!!! I just want to be someone to people, but they don’t give me a chance to be that someone, not even an acquaintance. I just want to go away and never come back. Yeah, I have my sisters and “close” friends and Justin that are keeping me here, but I feel as if everyone is neglecting me so much that I feel as if I don’t exist in their world anymore. Auf Wiedersehn. . . Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
5:47 pm	Life.... What a life. I think I'm taking things for granted, such as being with him as much as I can because I don't know how much of him I'll see once he graduates. Same with my family. I love being with them when I can and spending as much time with them as I can when I go home, but lately, they've been irritating the shit out of me. Why? I don't know, but there comes a certain point in daily activities that just get to me. I think it's just the stupidity sometimes. But that's just me. Right now, I just feel so lost that I don't know what I want to do. I'm not doing well in classes. Half of them are music classes, so go figure. But I have realized what I want to major in or should I say, double major...? I want to major in writing and computer science and minor in German(thanks Justin, you've talked me into it). Yeah, I'll be here for a while, but it'll be worth every second of it. So my mom decided the other day what she wants...well, after we put Fluffy down, she decided that she's going to get another dog...a collie or something similar to what Fluffy looked like, and call her Lily. I guess that's an okay idea, but I don't like the fact that she wants to get a dog that is basically a look-alike of what one used to. It'd bring back memories...the good and the bad. Today was an interesting day. I went to the eye doctor and got a prescription for contacts. Damn, those things are bitches to get in and out. Granted I only had them in for 4 hours or so, I felt like I've been crying all day. Then I came back here and did nothing. I just went through thoughts in my mind and remembered that four years ago today, my second cousin, Amanda, who was 20, died of a brain tumor. I remember the day well....it was beautiful outside during the day, then at night it stormed like crazy and there were a bunch of tornado touchdowns in the area. I thought it was Amanda's way of saying "FUCK YOU!" to the doctors and to God for having her die so young. God, I miss her. Tomorrow is mine and Justin's 5 months. Yay. I don't think I'll be able to see him because Wednesday is the worst day of the week and since he has finals next week (gotta love seniors), he's super swamped with homework. But I'll be able to spend time with him this weekend. :) Current Mood: blah Current Music: RENT (Comment on this)
Friday, April 14th, 2006
6:46 pm	Sigh... It's Easter break and so far it's not the best Easter break that I've ever had. Well, yesterday was good. I spent most of the day with Justin before I went home to a calm, cool and collected house. We noticed that our dog, Fluffy, who is 13 years old wasn't getting around really well and that she was in some pain. We didn't do anything about it because we thought that she might pass during the night, which she didn't, thankfully. This morning I got up and went to Marshfield to get an oil change on my car. It needed one so, yay! Then the people who were working on my car said that I needed new rotors and new brakes. They said how much it was going to cost and asked if they should do it today or another day. I just told them to do it today because I'm not coming back home until after I get back from Germany. So, needless to say, after $273.43, my car better be in good shape for a while, but my dad wasn't too happy about it. Oh well. Then I went to the doctor for a blood pressure check and a Hepatitis A vaccination. Whoopie. So now that they know that I'm okay for a while, I can go off and live my life. I got home and things were alright. Fluffy was laying outside and I thought she was gone, but she was still breathing, thank heavens. When my sister and I were heading out to go to my mom's home farm, we noticed that Fluffy was howling and being really wierd. So we went by her and she was panting so hard that we were sure she was going to go any second. But she made it through the afternoon in a world of pain and suffering. My sister and I wanted to take her to the vet to be put down, but that would have cost us $80! So, the only other option, I guess, that we had was to shoot her, the good old fashioned way. My sister and I begged that we didn't do it, but my dad had to have his way like usual. So, my brother and my sister's boyfriend came over and got Fluffy. We stood around for awhile and just talked and cried and said how it was best to do it this way and now so she wouldn't suffer. I didn't want her to go this way, but I guess it was easiest. I knew it was going to happen soon, I just didn't know when. As my brother and my sister's boyfriend left, my mom, my sister and I just cried our hearts out. It was sad to see a dog that was there throughout my entire childhood just leave and knowing that she'll never come back. At least she'll be buried where we gave her the first home she ever knew. And the memories will be cherished forever. *sigh* I miss her already and it's only been 3 hours. :( At least I was able to be home when this all happened and not at school. At least I got to see her one last time. I get to see family tomorrow night. Yay. We're doing our Easter tomorrow because everybody has to go other places on Sunday, plus it's easier for us anyways. My mom's trying to convince me to stay until Monday, but I don't know if I want to. She said that I'll be able to see my sister Susie and her fiance Kevin, since they'll be back from St. Louis by then. I told my mom that Susie will be tired and cranky from the trip and I don't want to put up with her being bitchy. She said I should stay anyways. Other than that, nothing new. Finals in a couple weeks. Barely any money for trip to Germany. No summer job yet. Spending time with Justin yesterday was fun. I miss my friends already. I'm getting contacts soon. I miss Fluffy. Family makes me happy. Love makes me happy. *sigh* Life is great. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: nothing....watching CSI (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
7:28 pm	Living in America at the end of the Millenium (001) Your gender: Girl. (002) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight. (003) Single? Nope (004) Want to be? no (005) Your birth day: October 24 (006) Age you wish you were: eh, 23-25. doesn't really matter...i'll be there in a few years (009) The color of your eyes: Brown. (010) Piercings?: two in each ear (012) Tattoos: rose with music above my left ankle DO YOU... (013) Smoke: no (014) Do drugs: no (015) Read the newspaper: only when I go home (016) Drink? sometimes (017) Talk to strangers: on occassion (018) Take walks in the rain: sometimes (019) Drive: Yep (020) Like to drive fast?: yeah, especially when I want to get to where I'm going in a certain amount of time HAVE YOU... (021) Hurt yourself: yeah (022) Been out of the country: no, but I'm going to Germany in about a month or so (023) Been in love: yeah (024) Done drugs: no (025) Gone skinny dipping: no (026) Had a surgery: does getting wisdom teeth out count? (027) Ran away from home: no....I keep going home, that's the problem (028) Played strip poker: no (030) Been picked on: lots of times :( (031) Been on stage: yep...good ol' concerts (032) Slept outdoors: um, no, I don't believe I have (033) Pulled an all-nighter: yeah......created a long trip to Washington D.C. (036) Talked on the phone all night: no (038) Slept all day: no, but very late ;) (039) Killed something: damn bugs (040) Made out with a stranger: No (041) Had sex with a stranger: No (042) Kissed the same sex: yeah (043) Done anything sexual with the same sex: No (044) Been betrayed: no (045) Broken the law: who doesn't? (046) Met a famous person: kind of, not really (047) Been on radio/tv: neither (048) Been in a mosh-pit: no (049) Had a nervous breakdown: not lately (050) Been criticized about your sexual performance: No (051) Had a dream that kept coming back: Yeah (052) Shoe brand: doc martens, adidas, k-swiss (053) School: Lakeland College. (054) Wear hats: have 'em, don't wear 'em though (055) Judged other people by their clothing: all the time (056) Wear make-up: nope (057) Favorite place to shop: uhh, lane bryant...they have nice clothes for fat people like me (058) Favorite articles of clothing: jeans and t-shirt (059) Favorite food: chicken BELIEFS... (060) Believe in life on other planets: yep (061) Miracles: I'll let you know when one happens to me (062) Astrology: Kind of (064) God: Yep (066) Satan: Unfortunately (067) Ghosts: on occassion (068) Birth: um, yeah. duh (069) Love at first sight: yeah (070) Yin and Yang: no fuckin' clue (071) Witches: it's possible (072) Easter bunny: no (077) Do you remember your first love: Yes. (078) Still love him/her: I'm still with him (079) Do you consider love a mistake? nope....it's meant to be (080) What do you find romantic: too many to list (081) Turn-on: Being accepting of others, willing to be with me, willing to treat me right (082) Turn-offs: being ignored, basically being a jerk (083) Do you base your judgement on looks alone? nope (084) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out: no...it doesnt' really matter (085) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: I think he's hott (086) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking: Um, I dunno. You'd have to ask him (087) What is best about the opposite sex: They way they act around their friends....being themselves (088) What's the last present someone gave you: Um, if you consider kisses as presents, then yeah...that was it (089) Do you like someone at this moment? Yeah LAST PERSON... (090) That you laughed at: Sam...I always laugh at her though (091) That laughed at you: Psh, no clue...probably Sam (093) You went shopping with: My sister, Shari (094) To disappoint you: Justin (096) To make you cry: Justin (097) To brighten up your day: Justin (099) You saw a movie with: My sister, Shari.....Ice Age movie is good :) (100) You talked to on the phone: Crystal (101) You talked to through IM: Kari (102) The last 4 friends u saw: Sam, Kari, Katie and Britney (103) You kissed: Justin WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU... (104) Smiled: like 2 minutes ago (105) Laughed: about an hour and a half ago (106) Cried: Friday night (107) Bought something: I think it was Tuesday night....got stuff for Justin for choir tour (108) Danced: Psh, I dunno (109) Were sarcastic: earlier today sometime (110) Hugged/kissed someone: about 6 hours ago (111) Talked to an ex: I don't have an ex... (112) Watched your fav movie: I have so many favorite movies now....probably Saturday (113) Talked on the phone: about an hour and a half ago (114) Listened to the radio: Sunday Morning (115) Watched TV: last night (116) Went out: Saturday (117) Helped someone: Um, I dunno (119) Said "I love you": Justin, earlier today (120) Did something with someone you didn't want to: psh, I don't remember Current Mood: bored Current Music: RENT (Comment on this)
4:44 pm	I'm soooo confused.....arg! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
8:45 am	Why?! Am I not the normal girlfriend? I try to spend time with him to make the relationship better, but somehow it makes it worse? How does that work? Am I such a stupid person that I don't deserve someone? Am I going to be one of those "40 year-old virgins" when I get to be that age? Am I going to be one of those old ladies who hasn't been married and has 12 smelly cats? Am I so undeserving of love? Am I so undeserving of happiness? Why do I have to be someone that I am not just to make everyone else happy? Why can't I be who I want to be? Why can't I do what I want to do? WHY CAN'T I BE ME?!?!?! Did he ever like me? Did he ever love me? Did he ever care for me? Did he ever care about my feelings? Why can't I have just a normal conversation with him? Why can't we talk the way that we used to before we started dating? Am I such a bad girlfriend that nobody likes me? Am I such a bad girlfriend that I am so dense that I am not seeing the picture? Am I such a bad girlfriend that we can't be friends while being lovers? Am I such a bad girlfriend that every emotion...every feeling...every word said is just pretend? Am I such a bad girlfriend that he can't be truthful to me? Am I such a bad girlfriend that I am a bad girlfriend? Am I such a bad girlfriend that everything said and done is an act? Am I such a bad girlfriend that I get jealous of other peoples relationships? Am I such a bad girlfriend that our relationship makes me think about attempting suicide just to get his attention? Am I such a bad girlfriend that our relationship makes me think about attempting suicide just to see if he cares about me the way it seems like he does? Am I such a bad girlfriend to think that he doesn't understand how I feel? Am I such a bad girlfriend to think that I don't understand how he feels? Why do I think about such things? Am I that desperate to know what he's thinking about? Am I that desperate to know how he feels? What about me made him like me? What about me made him want to start dating me? What about me made him want to love me? What about me made him choose me above so many other girls? Am I so stupid that I keep asking questions? Current Mood: crushed (3 Comments |Comment on this)